!PICK UP THE PHONE!

This is a really cool thing to get involved with, just being on the street team has made me feel like I'm helpingto make a difference. Check it out if you get a second.

PS. sorry it's cut off but click the link to find out more.

as deep as lines.

She reached around to grab the house key out her purse, her face turning to profile. The sun was hot, and I glanced back to hurry her along. Her mouth was twisted that quirky way that it always is when she's concentrating. My eyes narrowed for a blink, what was wrong with her face? I studied her for the moment she was turned away from me. The cute dimples creases at the edges of her mouth were now deep set lines. I felt like I hadn't noticed until that particular moment. How had I been missing such a change?





In the space of a second, I saw the sorrows of over a decade of secrets in it's physical manifestation. She was still beautiful, but those subtle lines told the tales that she has yet to.





I don't know if she'll ever heal completely, or if the bruised and broken parts have already closed up over crooked bones.

pain, swelling and angst

Friday, my best friend Mary and another really close friend Kendall, and I headed to Randy Adams tattoo shop for some work (something we'd been planning since before midterms).

I finally got my lip done, and also got my nose pierced...Don't let anyone lie to you the way they lied to me! IT HURTS BAD! Hah, I almost fainted when the needle went through my nose. If you want to know what it feels like, I'll tell you; like a hallow needle plunging through cartlidge...Pretty much.

Mary got the tattoo she's been wanting, and got her upper ear done also. The ink looks great, I held her hands, and Kendall braided her hair and sang Kumbayah. It didn't work, she made awful faces, and practically jumped off the table a few times.

Kendall...Well she didn't get her nose done like she'd wanted (job issues)..So we bought her a press on from one of those machines that dispenses random designs (all hideous).

That's Kendall's awesome tat...In the Applebees restroom after...where we applied it..lol.

And there we all are afterward at Mary's apt complex. (Me, Kendall, Mary) If you can't tell, Mary has major problems keeping open eyes during photo sessions..lol.

Anyway, I'm healing up pretty nicely I think...Except of course when my mom grabbed my face in a game of wrestle on the couch tonight...I thought she'd pushed them both into my face, haha. All is well though.

My sister is, pretty much the same...Not much to add lately. Sigh.

Goodnight.

Shipwrecked

I am just a begger here at your door
I am just a shipwreck here on your shore

fury's end

My eyelids forced open
pupils narrowed to this truth
that there is no balance to the equation
no blotting of memory
the bleeding never stops
there is no clotting

Hunt the white rabbit
and destroy it's malicious reign
but a reverse will not be reached
shorelines of yesterday have never been breached
hold fast your today
your tomorrow is trembling
hum your hallelujahs
this fury is ending

To Write Love On Her Arms

It's pretty late (or early I guess), I really need a better sleep schedule.

It's been pretty dull around here lately, aside from my sister being mad at me most of the day.  She got over it...Well I'm never sure if she's really over it or if she only makes up because her OCD won't let her go to bed angry.

I'm not teasing her about the OCD, I've had it most of my life and battled it dearly.  I just get upset that she won't take steps to get better...

Well, anyway I've been getting more involved with TWLOHA lately, joined the street team on fancorps.  It's a really cool organization that focuses on sort of rehabbing depressed and suicidal people with love, I think it's an amazing thing actually. When I discovered it about a year or ago I appreciated it mostly because of my own struggles with anxiety and OCD (a long drawn out story I'll write more about another time maybe) but now I'm wanting to get more involved for my sister's sake, I want to learn whatever I can about loving her through all this pain she's going through. I wish I could introduce her to it via mypsace, (her favorite place) or something but I've tried things like that before, she usually just gives it a passing coolness.

The idea behind To Write Love On Her Arms really reminds of the way my Grandmother (Mary) is.  She's an 82 year old,  28 year sober alcoholic and substance abuser, mentors prostitutes and spends her time among addicts. She's the most amazing woman I've ever known and all my life I've grown up with her motos"people just do the best they can" and "you're just right for me".  They echo more loudly the last few years.  

Anyway, the point is that one of the reasons I respect TWLOHA so much is because it reminds me of my Grandmother and that mentality of loving people no matter what.  Though I guess it's really the Jesus mentality.  You mean there is an organization out there that really just wants to see people get better and be happy ,with no ulterior motives? Haha, that's what I'm saying!

By the way, not to advertise, but if your interested in knowing more about TWLOHA visit

www.towriteloveonherarms.com 

Godspeed

So here's the first video blog. Sorry, (film student) I couldn't resist making some cuts, sloppy at best, but there it is. Haha. After I first watched the playback, I hated it and I didn't want anyone to see, but I'm putting it out there anyway. I want to be out of my comfort zone more than I am. I think it will make me stronger...I hope.

I also hope that no one sees this as an attack on my sister, I love her and one of the reasons I started this blog is to release some of my own anger and resentment toward her, in another direction, maybe some of the fighting will stop. This one seems a little boring to me, and really emptional, hopefully they'll brighten up soon. I do have a few funny stories about her...Hmm.

Buenas noches everyone.